Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Why now? Why Paleo?

I have other blogs to talk about general life, my hobbies and interests, but I think one place to keep track of my eating and recipes would be helpful. I also have recently gotten really into photography and I think it would be awesome to have good photos of all the food I like here so I can scan over it and get inspired when I may not really want to make the healthiest choice.  (I know! Who would imagine this does actually happen from time to time?) Having lost about 80 lbs 2 years ago, (wow, I never actually wrote/said that out loud, kind of a bigger number than it felt like...) I regained much of it during a cross country move and pregnancy. SO, although I have been pretty much a serious lowcarb advocate for the past several years, I am not the best at sticking to my guns all the time (clearly!) and I am making a serious plan for this time to be the last time I have to actually lose this weight.

I find maintenance much more intense emotionally than actually losing, it is just plain hard. all the time. At least it was before, though I felt I had a good mindset at the time and was aware of the challenge. Actually losing weight, even if slowly, is a process, with an end goal to look forward to, ongoing rewards (looser clothing, more energy, etc...) while maintaining is just kind of depressing. Yes, of course there is motivation for maintaining just as for weight loss, but that immature little voice inside is a lot harder to shut up or reason with once you feel pretty good and don't have immediate health issues threatening because of extra body fat. You know, that voice that says "but other people get to eat wheat and junk without becoming obese, just a little won't hurt, it isn't fairrrrrrrrrr, it's a special occasion, you deserve it." you know that voice?

Anyway, the accountability of  blogging has been fantastic for certain other pursuits of mine, so I am hoping it does the trick for my way of eating as well. Although I have been at this (more on than "off" so to speak) for about 6 years, I have not yet found a way to maintain either the serious weight loss or a mature attitude about what I can and cannot eat. I give myself permission now to screw up (as will happen from time to time I am sure) and then come back and get on with things. The key will be to minimize the damage from off plan eating by keeping the occasions short (note to self: avoid month long binges...) and infrequent. Saying "well, I've screwed up now, so why bother" has led me much farther from the path than accepting that a slip up has occurred but must be counteracted (hellish though the after shocks and carb cravings may be) as soon as possible.

I also want to remember to post motivations. I get bogged down in day to day food drudgery when I get a bad attitude about how (apparently) limited my options are, or how tough it can be to avoid certain things an have a "normal" life. I cannot in good conscience allow my kids to eat the garbage many of their peers consume in front of them, nor can I eat with other adults at most restaurants, etc... I have to remember (and be positive about!) how different our family is from most and keep in mind that it is for good reason. I must keep in mind that by doing what I do, and abstaining from various items, I am being the mom I want to be, even if I am not as thin as I want to be yet. If I give up it will never happen, if I live as though I am that person already, I am halfway there.